Monday, February 1, 2010

When Times Get Tough

"Never doubt in the darkness what God told you in the light." - Dr. V. Raymond Edman

I love quotes. I always have. This one struck me to the core. I have been a Christian since I was in college. Through preaching, reading, Bible studies, conferences, conversations, etc. I learned a lot. I had great head knowledge, but those concepts I had learned have entered my conscience in far deeper ways over the past few years:

Until I was pregnant with a child I was told would not live, I had no idea what stepping out on faith meant. I knew that God would not want me to abort Catherine. I never thought for a moment that God's will would be for me to terminate the pregnancy. When the doctor told my husband and I about Catherine's condition in the womb, he assumed that we would end the pregnancy and start again in a few months with a "clean" pregnancy (that was the term he used). I told the doctor that even if she only lived an hour after birth, I would still carry the pregnancy to term. I had to step out on faith, not only not knowing what the outcome would be, but being told by specialists that the outcome would not be good.

Until I had a daughter with cancer, I had no idea what the sovereignty of God meant. I have always been mostly in control of my life, or at least thought I was. I knew that I had no control over Catherine's fate. If the chemo worked and her tumor shrunk, she would live and keep her vision. If it didn't work, the tumor could continue to grow, possible blinding her or ending her life. Additionally, the chemo would take a toll on her little body. I again had no control over the effects chemo would have on her. Her nerves would be damaged, hopefully only temporarily. Her motor skills and learning abilities may be weakened. Her balance is hampered. I have had to learn what I can control (just trivial stuff) and what God controls (the important stuff).

This post was inspired by the book "Jesus Online" by Charles Morgan, Jr.

No comments: