For years I have heard the term the "sovereignty of God," but I never really understood it until my daughter was diagnosed with cancer. For the first week after she was diagnosed, I was a crying, blubbering mess. I couldn't even remember whether I had court hearings to attend, let alone attend them and represent a client adequately. After about a week, the Holy Spirit revealed to me that I do not have control over this situation. I have no control over whether the chemotherapy shrinks Catherine's tumor or not. I have no control over whether her little, fragile body can handle the stress of sixty weeks of chemotherapy. During several meetings with the doctors, they kept telling us different versions of "We'll try this and see if it works. If not, we'll try something else." I realized that the doctors do not have control over my daughter's cancer either. They will simply try the recommended protocol and hope for the best. As soon as I realized that her cancer was out of my control, I was able to continue with life and enjoy my children again.
About six months after Catherine's diagnosis, another parent of a child with cancer and I talked about this issue. She said to me "Now you know, and I mean really know, the sovereignty of God. If parents had the ability to remove their children's cancer, there would be no such thing as childhood cancer. Every parent wants it gone. Every parent prays for it to be gone. But only God can remove the cancer. God either lets the medical treatments work or not work."
This is such a freeing knowledge - I am not in control, God is. So I need to stop worrying and fretting. That is easier said than done!
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