Three Things I Must Learn

"What is too much for us. What is too little for us. What is just right for us."

Being American, my first thought when I read the above is materialism. What stuff do I need and what stuff do I not need? We just celebrated Christmas a few days ago, followed by one of my daughter's birthdays. So our house is filled with new toys, DVDs, and clothes.

My husband and I speak frequently about what we need and what we don't need. Of course we disagree about purchases - like all married couples, our priorities and interests differ. So, we have to compromise. As the years pass, we accumulate stuff. Every time we have a decluttering day, we swear we will stop buying so many things.

But, besides materials, the above statements can also apply to food. Exercise. Social commitments. The list can continue infinitely. If only I used the three statements above as a litmus test on a regular basis. If only I filtered my decisions through a "too much, too little, or just right" filter. How would my decisions change?

Definitions

Solitude. Alone. Privacy. Seclusion. Solitary. Isolation.

What do these words mean to me? The author, Sue Augustine, encourages us to define those words and consider them.

Are they positive or negative terms? At first glance, "solitude" is the only one which seems positive to me. "Alone" sounds like "lonely," like I have no friends. "Privacy" sounds like I am trying to keep a secret or am doing something shameful. "Seclusion" and "solitary" and "isolation" all sound like a punishment one receives in prison for starting a fight on the cell block.

So as a retreat for a mom, do I want solitude? Do I need solitude? Maybe for just five minutes? Is five minutes enough? That is a rhetorical question - at this stage in my life (with a one year old and a three year old), I am not likely to get more than 5 minutes at a time. Maybe during nap times or after bed time. But I am usually at work during nap time and am exhausted by bed time.

If I try to take moments of solitude dueing the day, will that be valuable? Can I focus my mind quickly enough to effectively use five minutes of solitude? Can I block out the family noises and the family's needs for five minutes? That is a tall challenge. Am I capable?

"I Should ...."

According to the author, one way to determine if I am giving in to feelings of guilt is to stop myself when I start self-talking with a series of "I should ...." statements. As soon as I read this I realized that I do have a huge mental list of "I shoulds" I always have had such a list.

When I think about it, I have created that list on my own. The majority of the "shoulds" in my life, possibly all of them, are desires and goals that I have created myself. All are based on my own perceived inadequacies. I think there is something wrong with me and that there is something I should do differently.

Every mental "should" I have created has an underlying feeling of failure. I believe there is something wrong with me and I need some change.

However, I know that God loves me AS IS. God loves me, even if I never change. I love my children exactly as they are. Of course they both have skills they have to learn. I do not want them to be stagnant; I want them to continuously improve themselves - to learn and to grow. However, I adore each of them right now, AS IS.

Someday I want Catherine to learn multiplication and division. But even if she never does, I will love her anyway. I know that God wants me to grow spiritually, but He loves me even if I don't.

So why can't I love myself AS IS? Why do I focus on my inadequacies so much? Why do I always feel like I do not measure up? Is this spiritual warfare? Is Satan trying to convince me that I am not good enough?

What would happen if I believed I was good enough? If I loved myself AS IS? Would that further God's agenda? Would loving myself permeate my spirit so much that it would expand to loving others?

Family Noises

Having a toddler and a baby in my house means that it is rarely quiet in my house. I frequently think to myself "Can't I just have a whole day of peace and quiet? With no one asking to watch Mickey Mouse? Without Sabrina's pre-talk babbling?"

But what if I changed my attitude and were grateful for "Family Noises." They remind me that everyone is OK and life is continuing.

Healthy, happy children roam all around the house getting into things. When Catherine runs up and down the hallways "yodeling" to hear herself echo, I should be grateful for her aural exploration. When she opens and closes every cabinet door she can find, I should rejoice in her curiosity. When she hears me or Robby use a word that is new to her and repeats it twenty times, I should be glad she can hear us and can copy our speech.

When Catherine asks me ten times to watch "More Mickey Mouse," I should be happy that she turns to me for help. When Sabrina cries out for me because she bumped her chin when she fell, I should be thrilled that she is bravely trying to cruise around the coffee table, even though she falls still.

All of these "Family Noises" represent the members of my family living healthy, happy, normal lives - not reasons for me to want to escape.

Busy or Full

"Our days are identical suitcases - all are the same size but some people can pack more into them than others."

For as long as I can remember I have complained about my days being so busy. Yet, is my life really just "full?" Certainly I have a lot going on in my life - with work, kids, husband, church, hobbies, etc. Some of my daily tasks I have chosen; some I have not. All are valuable to me. I periodically ask myself what activities in my life can I quit, to try to control my time. I have read gazillion time management books and feel (at least sometimes) that I efficiently use my time.

Yet, I am "busy" all day, every day. I have very little down time.

For years I was single and wished I could be married and have children. I remember having down time back then, living by myself. I had an empty house for so long. Now I barely ever have an empty room.

Can I stop lamenting my busy schedule and call my days "full?" Will this change my attitude from discontent to gratitude?